Missed My Chance
by itsreallyreallyaspaceship
Summary: The movie Maura picked makes Jane think about her relationship with the medical examiner.
1. Chapter 1

**I promised walkthelineorcrossit Rizzoli and Isles fic for Christmas. It's now July 1st and here it is :)  
>My first fic for this beautiful pairing and I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it 3 <strong>

Jane looked over from the kitchen to where Maura was giggling away at whatever girly film she'd insisted putting on. Well, that was Jane's story and she was sticking to it. Truth be told, Maura didn't have to do a whole lot of insisting. Just having her standing there, staring at Jane with her ridiculously large green eyes was pretty much enough to make the detective do anything she wanted. Not that Jane would _ever_ admit it.

"What's even going on? It can't be that funny, Maur," she said, walking over to the couch with a bowl of chips and a fresh bottle of wine. Again, she'd never tell the boys at the precinct that she drank wine at home since becoming best friends with the classy ME.

"Well, it's not intellectually stimulating like the films I would usually choose, but it's nice to wind down at the end of the week with something you don't really have to think about, isn't it?" Jane picked up the DVD case and scanned it while she spoke. It seemed like pretty standard chick-flick fare, childhood friends who could never tell each other that they were in love, until one got in some kind of life threatening accident. Or something. Jane was just glad to have an excuse to snuggle up close with Maura, "Jane, were you listening?"

"Was I listening to what?" Jane replied without thinking, only to get a scathing look from her best friend.

"It's not important, don't worry." She turned away from Jane and focused on the film. Jane sighed, realising she'd blown it, yet again, by being completely insensitive. She reached over and touched the blonde's shoulder gently.

"Look, Maura, I'm sorry," she whispered, "If you want me to know it, it was obviously important."

"It really wasn't, I just asked if you were in their position, wouldn't you tell them before they even thought about getting married?" She looked down at the engagement ring on her finger, twisting it around. Jane watched the movement too, her heart suddenly racing. She concentrated on making her mouth move and form coherent speech.

"I...I don't know. Maybe...they're just scared of ruining what they already have." She wrapped her long tanned arms around Maura's stomach and pulled her back, so they were lying on the sofa.

"But what if what they could get was so much better?" Jane grasped Maura's hand, afraid that she might actually twist the finger off her hand as well as the ring.

"Having second thoughts, are we?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood and distract her from the thumping in her chest that happened whenever her and the ME were this close.

"No, nothing like that, it just bears thinking about, doesn't it?" She turned her head so she could carry on watching the film, leaving Jane to sit and think. Not that the thoughts made any sense. Maura was her best friend, nothing more, definitely nothing less. She wasn't in love with her, no, nothing like that. She was just a good friend, a good friend who was engaged. Jane had agreed to be the maid of honour earlier that day, in fact. So none of this made sense.

"I suppose so," Jane murmured. Damn Maura for making them watch this movie, it just stirred up all these emotions she wasn't willing to confront. All these emotions she couldn't confront. She almost jumped out her skin when she felt soft fingers tracing the scars on the palms of her hands. Normally, no one even dared touch those and if they did, Jane would tell them where to go. But with Maura, things were different. Things were always different. Jane could just be herself around her and, bar a few minor slip ups, she didn't seem to care. Jane loved the feeling of being so free to be herself. She'd never had that before with anyone; friend, family, lover. So yeah, Maura Isles was different. But that didn't mean anything, did it?

"Poor guy," Maura murmured at the screen. Poor guy indeed, Jane thought to herself, watching the character being told that the love of his life was getting married to someone else. It kind of reminded her of when Maura announced her engagement at work. Of course Jane had known before, but still, she felt weird when everyone else knew. As if it hadn't been quite real before. But, still, she wasn't in the same boat as this guy, she wasn't in love with Maura. Was she? Maybe there were some feelings there. She definitely found her Doctor Death attractive, in all those high, high heels and expensive dresses. Maybe it was just lust? Wait, did she just call Maura _her _Doctor Death?

"Maura...would you want to know if there was someone else...who had feelings for you?"

"Is this a hypothetical situation, based upon the film we are watching? Or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?"

"Hypothetical," Jane said, her voice cracking in the middle of the word. God, since when did she get so nervous talking to Maura?

"Well, I suppose, it could make things a little awkward between them and I, seeing as I am getting married. But then, I would like to fully explore all the options before making such a commitment. Why, do you know of someone with such feelings?"

"Maybe...not that I am at liberty to divulge such information to you...maybe there's someone who's too scared to say how they feel, in case it ruins everything they've tried to find for so long." Maura shifted position so she was sitting between Jane's legs.

"Well...maybe that person shouldn't be so scared. Because maybe I've felt the same about them for longer than they could imagine." Maura reached out to stroke Jane's cheek gently, before leaning forwards and pressing their lips together softly. Jane tensed for a second before relaxing into it and slipping her arms around Maura's waist, "What do you think?" Maura asked when they finally broke apart.

"I think I've missed my chance."


	2. Chapter 2

"What if I said you haven't?" Maura whispered, resting her forehead against the detective's.

"I think this," Jane picked up Maura's hand and tapped the huge diamond on the engagement ring there, "says different." She stared at the ring, trying to look anywhere but into Maura's eyes. She hated that ring. It just showed her everything she'd never have. And everything Maura could never have if she was with Jane.

"That's not important, not right now."

"How can you say that? You're getting married in five weeks! I can't...we can't...I had my chance, I missed it Maur. I missed it because I was too damn scared to tell you how I felt. And now, you're with him and we cannot do anything." She could feel the tears streaming down her face but she didn't care. Maura had seen them before. Maura had seen everything before, from ecstatically happy Jane to completely depressed Jane. Suddenly she felt Maura wrap arms around her and pull her close as she began to sob.

"Jane...I don't love him. Well, I do love him but...it was one of those situations. My parents kept pushing him at me and eventually I just got tired of saying no." She ran her hands gently up and down the brunette's back and snuggled in closer to her, "He's everyone else's idea of a perfect man. My parents love him because he can take care of me. Everyone at work is entirely charmed by him. It's only me who doesn't think he's perfect...he's just not...you."

"Why have you let it get this far? Why did you even say yes?" Jane asked, ignoring Maura's last statement about her perfection. As if the stunning, intelligent, adorable medical examiner thought she was perfect. In fact, Jane was told on a daily basis what her more imperfect attributes were.

"It was stupid...I was alone. I didn't think I had a chance with you...so when he proposed, I said yes. I shouldn't have and every time I see you, I feel horrifically guilty."

"Sweetie, you were never alone...you always have me. You always did." She brought her head up to face Maura again, only to find tears streaming down the blonde's face as well, "Maura, you're the most important thing to ever happen to me. The best, rather. And I will always be there for you."

"I know...it's stupid. I just wanted something more, something more...secure. I've never felt secure in anything and when I finally began to feel it, I jumped at having it for a life time. Only, it wasn't him that made me feel like I had something to wake up to every morning and come home to after work. It's never going to be him." She felt Jane move closer, smelt the faint hint of minty chewing gum mixed with wine on her breath before the brunette kissed her again. And then, she believed she'd found it. She'd found her sense of security, the place where she felt at home.

"Do you want the consequences of this Maura? Do you want to be the woman who goes to the altar knowing that she's not in love with the man standing in front of her?" Once again, Jane started fiddling with Maura's ring. It was beautiful, far better than anything Jane could have ever afforded. But at the same time, it was wrong. It wasn't something Maura would have chosen. It was too large, too flashy, not quite as classy as she was sure the ME would have liked. Maybe this guy didn't actually know her well enough at all. Jane had only met him once, at a police gala where he had been Maura's plus one. He was too loud, too brash and drunk more than Jane, Frost and Korsak had combined. She hadn't liked him then and she liked him even less now. Even if she did feel slightly sorry for him.

"Jane, I was always going to do that. I never fell in love with him and you can't make that happen. It didn't matter whether you told me or you didn't." Make that very sorry for him. She knew that Maura wasn't emotional in the same way as other people, but to be able to do that? Jane wasn't sure if she was slightly scared or slightly disgusted. One look into Maura's eyes and all she could remember was that the doctor would rather be with her. Damnit.

"You want to wake up to me every morning?" she asked, smiling as the tears slowly stopped falling down Maura's face, "And come home to me every night?"

"I think that's what I've wanted since I met you Jane. You're something very special. Why, do you not like that idea?"

"No...no, I think it's perfect. Just...you're engaged. There's a wedding planned for five weeks time. How are your parents going to take it if you just break it off with him?"

"I'll figure something out. They only want what's best for me and it turns out, that's you." Finally, Maura's face broke into the beaming smile that Jane was so used to being able to put there.

"Ma's going to kill me," Jane whispered under her breath, smiling slightly at the thought. Angela Rizzoli had been so exciting about the upcoming wedding and had made no secret of the fact that she had hoped to find a rich cousin of some kind for Jane there.

"I'll explain it to her; she can't kill me, I'll be a guest." Maura said, completely matter of fact. Jane smiled and her friend watched as her eyes glittered with tears that threatened once again to fall down her cheeks, "Oh, no, did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, happy tears Maura...this is all so much, so fast. I think I need to go to bed." Jane stood up and Maura went to follow, "You're only coming with if you promise to behave."

"Jane! I am always perfectly behaved, I don't know what you're suggesting!" Jane rolled her eyes, thinking of all the times she'd woken up to find Maura's head resting on her chest or her face snuggled into Maura's long neck. Well, more held there in a much stronger grip than the detective had ever expected from the ME. Sure, the woman was well behaved. She held out a hand for Maura and led her to her bedroom.


End file.
